Gad-Purse

Praiz!

2012-02-01T12:17:00.000Z

As these things happen, I am probably the last to discover smokey velvet sound that comes from Praiz.

Here is his 'I love you' video.

Yes Praiz, 'we' love you too!

'Self-Deluded Faith'

2012-01-31T18:33:00.000Z

Back at home, in hustle of Lagos, you’ll find young men titling precariously on what shouldn’t but are the doors of yellow and black stripped buses. The boys are not half as fascinating as the graffiti on those ‘vehicles’ – ‘e go better’, ‘No food for lazy man’, ‘Shine your eye’, messages telling of a recurring theme of optimism and of success through hard work and persistence. I grew up in the subliminal optimism spooned out in the streets of Lagos. Believing in Nigeria despite the fiery forecasts of doom or depressing news of terror isn’t therefore much of a choice for me.

I can’t deny what I see: the brave indifference to endemic poverty; allegations of corruption in the public and private sectors; a justice system that leaves a young girl in detention for three years; hunger, and some anger. I however also see young people who strive every day to carve out fruit from the dead trees - people who run businesses on generating sets and inverters; who wake up at 4am just to get to work at 8 am; and women who sell boli to send their kids to school. I also see people in government that manage to do some good.

Somewhere in these people I find hope – not the naïve or vain type, perhaps a little deluded. But something to hold on to because despite all we see - that e go better.

One Child and the Nigerian Legal System

2012-01-30T18:38:00.002Z

Moji Koloba is fifteen. She speaks fluent Yoruba, the ‘Lagos dialect’ with no trace of her Egun heritage. She has lived at the Lagos State Special Correctional Facility for Girls, Idi-Araba since 2009. The Home isn’t out of place in Lagos – a few storey buildings, one with a courtyard next to a discarded one. I hear the buildings were recently refurbished. Moji’s face is rather pimply. She smiles a little when we meet. I hear she hasn’t had so many visitors since her father and uncle came to visit in 2010. With a little prodding from the official who sits with us through our conversation, Moji tells me she stole jewellery from ‘Alhaja’, sent it back through a courier while in custody, who rerouted it to Alhaja’s house. From the files, Moji is another child delinquent caught in the justice system.

Moji was a maid in one of the middle-class estates in Ikeja. Her parents sent her to Lagos through a woman in Ibadan to Alhaja, a former police officer. In January 2009, Alhaja accused Moji and an accomplice of stealing her one million Naira worth of jewellery. At the police station, Moji wrote a confessional statement, admitting theft. She was charged three weeks later at a magistrate court in Ikeja. In court, she recanted the statement, claiming she was forced to admit to the charge by the police. In December 2011, she claims she lied when she recanted.

While the accused persons were prosecuted by the State, one of Alhaja’s neighbours went to Alhaja, begging her to withdraw the complaint. After all, Moji was only a child of 13 who may have done wrong. A few days later, Alhaja announced that she had found the jewellery in her house, either by her couch or behind her curtains. Her story - surely, Moji must have sent the jewellery through her accomplice, who rerouted it through the neighbour.

Infuriated, the neighbour sued for slander. Alhaja rarely appeared in court and after repeated adjournments; the neighbour stopped prosecuting the matter. Her family was relieved. Court cases are unsavoury and it was as well as it ended, or so they thought. In 2011, the neighbour was charged with conspiracy to steal. The suit had been transferred to a magistrate court in Shomolu, along with the magistrate.

At some point, Moji was offered bail. She couldn’t meet the terms and was sent to the correctional facility. Her accomplice was lucky. Members of her church helped her meet the bail conditions. After a year, a lawyer from the Office of the Public Defender was assigned to Moji.

The neighbour was informed that Alhaja refused to withdraw the complaint against Moji because of the slander suit. Alhaja wants a formal withdrawal of the suit and a police statement releasing Alhaja from present and further liability. The neighbour has refused to do so.

Moji is in primary three. Before the Remand Home, she had never attended any formal schooling. The criminal suit will start afresh in January 2012. Moji is charged for stolen goods that have been recovered in the complainant’s residence.

Professor Collier's 'Sound Argument'

2012-01-14T16:58:00.006Z

Professor Paul Collier has said that the protests in Nigeria against the removal of the fuel subsidies are 'nonsense’ - a group of poor people urging tax cuts for the rich. He has explained that the Nigerian poor have been tricked into lobbying for greedy elites, perhaps the same elites he asks to 'speak out' against 'populist rhetoric'.

Professor Collier is a brilliant man with an interesting thesis. On the one hand, the theory for the removal of subsidies is sound, this IMF paper for example, is helpful. The benefits of subsides of petroleum products are unequal and they are an inefficient way to spur development. In addition, subsidies to consumption encourage increased energy use, and reduce incentives for efficient use of a limited resource. There is more information here. On the other hand, strategic use of energy subsidies can be helpful in reducing poverty, allow for security of energy supply, and provide a quasi-industrial revolution that can help less affluent economies grow. In Nigeria, energy subsides have not been strategic. Yet, it appears to be the only way the Nigerian people perceive their government as meeting its social contract obligations. PMS at an affordable rate is used to power individual generating sets that provide electricity in houses, huts, and hospitals, borehole pumps for water, and transport. PMS does this because these services do not exist. Dr Jeremy Weate has explained the protests. Please read it here.

This is not a theoretical issue for the removal of subsidies but a decision that will affect the lives of 180 million people, who do not trust their leaders. Professor Collier understood this in 2009. Reviewing Dambisa Moyo’s Dead Aid, he explained that ‘African societies face problems deeper than their dependence on aid [and] that public goods of security and accountability cannot adequately be provided [so that] the valuable natural assets that many countries possess become liabilities instead of opportunities for prosperity.’

Those sweeping statements perhaps show why his recent piece is self selective, ignoring the political economy of the society in which he forms his opinion. Why is it important to rebut his position? Professor Paul Collier advises the Strategy and Policy Department of the IMF, as well as the Africa Region of the World Bank. Therefore, people listen to him and take his expert opinion as truth. That is what makes his opinion dangerous.

Edited 15/01/2012 23:53

Shakedown

2012-01-14T03:24:00.003Z

Nearly everyone at the International Airport demands a 'tip'. I can handle it. My Yoruba owambe tendencies and Christian lessons teach me to give, while my Nigerian side is immensely grateful to the employee who actually does her job. So, the last time, I could handle the bag boys who begun haranguing me for a tip even though I hadn’t checked in and was near paranoid that the Nigerian Labour Congress would change its mind about suspending the strike action for two days and get us all out of the airport. I wasn’t even sure I would get on the flight. But I gave something to the two young boys and made not so funny jokes about the fuel subsidy. They laughed and we pretended I was hilarious. It was an arm’s length transaction.

Then came the ‘shake body’ from the NDLEA officer, who was responsible for ensuring that there were no drugs in my suitcase. Our rich country, with promises of infrastructure from removal of the fuel subsidy and one of the highest paid legislatures does not have a baggage scanner. Therefore, officers ask you to open your suitcase, and go through everything from your underwear to weaves, right in the departures hall. I could deal with that. I was already disinclined to ‘shake body’, which I interpreted as an implied threat to waste my time. After all, I had checked in and the boarding line couldn’t get any longer than the nearly hundred people on the queue.

At boarding, the lady at security demanded a tip. I explained that I wasn’t sure I had any notes on me save the fifties by the side of my bag. She proceeded on a self-inspection to ascertain the fact. She multitasked efficiently, urging me to check my pockets for change, efficiently ensuring that I checked all my pockets, and looking through my bag for change I may have missed. She went through my underwear – packed for a layover, my toothbrush, and the ubiquitous scarf Nigerian women wear to bed. She kept on until she found something and made a show of thanking me.

It is rarely merely the ‘media’.

Good Deed Alert: Kenny Kore's So More

2012-01-13T12:57:00.012Z

I reviewed Kore's Eledumare in July 2010. I still love the album! For some reason, my blog gets a large number of hits for the words to 'So More'. So I have written them below. Lyrics reflect what I heard as I typed- or what I think I heard. If you have a pressing urge to correct a line, please go on.
You can buy Kore's Eledumare on Amazon or Itunes.

So More*
Sometime ago, on my bed, an angel came to me and he asked: ‘So more’
So more eh, So more Kore, eh, So more eh, So more eh, So more
Let’s give God praise, 1, 2, 3

Everybody come on, everybody come on, everybody come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Let’s give God praise, you wanna five God praise

Atewo ni mo fi a mo bi o ba more

Come on, come on, come on; let’s give God praise

Ijo ji jo ni mo fi a mo bi mo ba more

Come on, come on, come on; let’s give God praise

Atewo ni mo fi a mo bi o ba more

In your house, in the car – give him praise

In the church in the yard - give him praise

Anywhere that you are – give him praise

Sing praise, sing praise

In your house, in the car – give him praise

In the church, in the yard - give him praise

Anywhere that you are – give him praise

Sing praise, sing praise, sing praise to God

So more eh, So more Kore, eh, [you know you wanna give him praise]

So more eh, So more eh, So more

[So more, so-so so more]

So more eh [do you wanna give praise]

So more, Kore, eh [eh yeah]

So more eh, So more eh, So more

[Let’s give God praise in here]

If you truly need God and you say you know God and you truly love God, you gotta give him the praise. Let’s give God praise, Let’s give God praise, you wanna give God praise.

Atewo ni mo fi a mo bi o ba more

Come on, come on, come on, e fi jo gbe baba mi ga

Ijo ji jo ni o fi a mo bi o ba more

Eni to n be nibeyen, oya oya, e gbe…

Atewo ni mo fi a mo bi o ba more

In your house, in the car – give him praise

In the church, in the yard - give him praise

Anywhere that you are – give him praise

Sing praise, sing praise.

In your house, in the car – give him praise

In the church, in the yard - give him praise

Anywhere that you are

Sing praise, sing praise, sing praise to God

So more eh, So more Kore, eh, So more eh, So more eh, So more

So more, so-so so more

So more eh [you know you wanna give praise]

So more Kore, eh [anybody]

So more eh [give praise] So more eh [give praise] So more

So more, so-so so more

Spoken: Ok people, yeah, are you ready to give God some crazy praise in here

Come on, say - follow me say Jesus die [died-da]

and he ha be crucified-da [crucified-da]

Take up your cross and follow him

cos him people live in no more sin

Everybody say

Ha me say Jesus die [died-da]

And he ha be crucified-da [crucified-da]

Take up your cross and follow him

cos him people live in no more sin

Everybody!

Crucified, identified, sanctified, justified, glorified, glorified, glorified, with Christ

So more eh, So more Kore, eh, So more eh, So more eh, So more eh, So more

So more, so-so more

So more eh, [give praise]

So more Kore, eh [give praise]

So more eh [give him praise]

So more eh, So more.

* Pronounced /Sho- moray/

MSLS and me

2011-12-15T09:17:00.000Z

One of the luckiest things to happen to me this year was the Master’s in Strategic Leadership towards Sustainability (MSLS) programme. You can see the ‘why’ in this video. During my master’s, I swam in the Baltic, and rode my bicycle everywhere, interned with the International Trade Centre, and made my first pizza (with my bare hands!). My master’s thesis also won an international award on microfinance that was presented at La Louvre, Paris. I shared classes with students from over 30 countries and I have made some great friendships. I have also become a better person.

You can be a part of the Class of 2013. Applications are open and close mid-January. If you are an EU citizen, the Swedish Government pays for your tuition. Yes, it’s free! Outside the EU, tuition is 100,000SEK for this 10-month program. Scholarships are available and if you are a fee-paying student, you are welcome to visit www.kitesh.org to find out more about the free services available to assist you in the application and funding process. You could also leave a comment and I’ll get back to you on this.

It is an adventure of a lifetime and join the amazing network of alumni in the Master's in Strategic Leadership towards Sustainability. Please visit the website www.bth.se/msls to see the full programme brochure and application procedures

For Safety and Peace. Amen.

2011-09-11T14:50:00.003+01:00

I clearly remember 9/11 the minute it was reported on CNN. It was after the one of what would turn out to be the first of many strike actions through studying law at the Obafemi Awolowo University. Ife, my friend, who would join the US Navy the following year, had invited me stay at her uncle’s house while we tried to get our own place. In between the nothings and busyness of the first school weeks, I watched a lot of telly.

I saw the Towers in smoke and heard the word ‘terrorism’ repeated over and over again. I couldn’t understand – it was ‘America’, wasn’t it? The giant America? I remember muttering that if it could happen to the US, it could happen to anybody. Ten years after, I have read of the Iran, Iraq, Osama bid Laden's death and seen Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11. In between, Umar Abdulmutallab has thankfully, unsuccessfully tried to bomb a plane and I have been stopped and patted down in a few airports. Boko Haram recently claimed responsibility for the UN, Abuja’s bombing.

I wish I could say I hope we have all found healing in some way and that it would all get better. I'll hope though.

Bad Idea.

2011-07-31T12:14:00.002+01:00

As we may have learned for the past thirteen years, democracy will not solve all our problems. Governors still steal, policemen still shoot unarmed persons and our homes and businesses still run on generator sets. Representative governance however allows us to complain and demand that our problems be solved. Where the elected fails to accomplish his or her campaign promises, we are 'entitled' to vote someone else in. Sometimes, we find out that the new is as bad as the old. Then we complain some more and wait for the next four years to begin the circle. It isn’t a perfect process but we are growing and learning.

I haven’t read the bill yet but President Goodluck Jonathan’s proposed single term extended tenure sounds like a bad idea. People have clearly articulated this here and there. I think our democracy is yet too young and unstable. Going by the crop of elected representatives we have had, the chances that this will translate to better governance and development are probably a little higher than catching Lamido Sanusi in a regular tie. It is simply unnecessary.

We vote for parties not people. If the president feels strongly about the continued progress or work of incumbents, he could help build stronger leaders and mentor 'capable' successors.

President Jonathan may find David Brooks' thoughts in his The Social Animal interesting: ‘The higher people rise in the world, the larger the dose of daily flattery they need in order to maintain their psychic equilibrium.’ Our president, the son of a canoe carver, should not overdose on his.

Freedom of Information Act 2011: Good Stuff!

2011-06-05T01:16:00.008+01:00

Laws are hardly fascinating collections of words. They don’t make leisure reads. The Freedom of Information Act is different. It is a clearly written piece of legislation and I enjoyed reading it. It also holds an 'against all odds' badge in our democratic history. We will always be grateful to the great minds that pushed for this bill. The EIE coalition has been kind and provided what appears to be the bill that President Goodluck Jonathan signed into law. You may download it from its website, as I have. I have relied on this in providing highlights of the law.

Your rights:

You have the right to request for information, whether written or otherwise from a public institution. You don’t have to explain why you need the information and you can even go to court to compel the institution to comply. Illiterate or disabled applicants may apply through a third party. There will be a formal application that applicants may use. In any case, you don’t even require a written application. You could verbally request that an authorised official of a public institution provides the information. (S)he will now write it and provide you a written application. This may not be advisable for evidentiary reasons.

Who can you ask?

You may demand from any ‘public institutions’. These include the three arms of government: executive (e.g. President), legislature (e.g. lawmakers), judiciary (courts), as well as any parastatals supported by public funds (e.g. PHCN). More importantly, you may demand for information from private bodies providing public services (e.g. ppps), who perform public functions or utilise public funds. All public institutions are required to now keep records of their operations and businesses. Specific information is provided in section 3 (3) of the law. It is now a criminal offence to wilfully destroy records or alter them.

What you may be told:

The public institution to which the application is directed may provide the information to the applicant within 7 days of the request. It may also deny the application and give written notice of such denial within the same 7 day period. This notice must explain why it denied your request and state whether the information exists. Where the institution fails to give notice within the 7 day period, it is deemed to have refused to give access. If the public institution thinks that another institution has greater interest in the information, it must transfer the application within 3-7 days and also inform you. This period is not set in stone. It may delay the transfer if it can show that the application is for a large number of records and that the 3-7 day period will reasonably interfere with its operations, or that it requires more time to make consultations.

When can a public institution say no?

You may not invoke the FOI to receive published material, or material available for purchase or public reference materials. You may not receive access to ‘personal information’. This is defined in section 15(1) and includes information for tax assessment; files on financial, medical, or educational services from public institutions. A public institution can also deny information that contains trade secrets, financial information, proposals and bids for contracts, grants, etc. Additional information is provided in section 16 (1). You can ask for a waiver of these provisions where public interest ‘clearly’ outweighs the protection of the individual’s privacy. Individuals or institutions may also consent to provision of the information.

A public institution may also refuse access where disclosure is injurious to the conduct of international affairs and the defence of the Federal Republic of Nigeria or where it would derive a person of fair trial or disclose the identity of a confidential source. Additional cases are in section 13 (1).

You may not receive information on test questions, course or research materials prepared by faculty members scoring keys for examination, library circulation and records identifying library users, among others. Other information is provided in section 20. The same public interest waiver applies to these cases. For example, you may not demand for a copy of President Jonathan’s Ph.D. thesis except the court agrees that public interest outweighs his private rights.

What can you do if a public institution says no?

Where the institution fails to give notice within the 7 day period, it is deemed to have refused to give access. Where you have been refused, you may apply to court for a review within thirty days. The court may extend time to apply within that period. Where wrongful denial of access is established, the defaulting officer or institution shall be liable to a N500,000 fine on conviction.

Money matters - fees:

The only fees required under the FOI are standard charges for duplication and where necessary, transcription. This does not exclude charges under any other laws.

Fascinating (lawyer) stuff:

Burden of proof of authorised denial is on public institution. This means that all you have to do is say that the institution refused your application and leave it to show that it the refusal was valid. *yawn*

The Official Secrets Act is no longer an excuse to restrict access. A public institution cannot deny access to part of a record containing results or product of environmental testing carried out by or on behalf of a public institution.

Downside :(

It looks like each state has to sign its own Freedom of Information Law. The National Assembly can only make laws for the public records of the federation and not the states.

This is not legal advice but contains my opinion on the subject. Please speak to your lawyer before acting on the information provided.

This is also on NigeriansTalk

The Toddling Sanctity of Our Courts?

2011-03-11T09:48:00.001Z

In theory, Nigeria should not need the Supreme Court or any court at all. Even before Mahandas Gandhi extolled the ‘court of conscience’ over that of justice, the Holy Quran had endorsed the need to repel evil with good and urged its adherents to be quick to forgive. Christians are told to stay away from filing suits against other believers while traditional deities outpace formal systems for delivering retributions. We however manage to mentally separate our deeply religious sentiments from the Nigeria we live in. We do it well. No one questions the beliefs of our Bible-quoting ex-president who declared elections do-or-die and who may also be guilty of telling untruths.

So, the judiciary stays. Despite our cynicism of the legal process, we inherently assume that this often snail-paced deliverer of justice will protect the weak and helpless. We silently agree that the courts will serve our pound of flesh if power-crazy naval ratings throw us off the road. We hope that sometimes, the courts will redress electoral wrongs and keep the executive in check. We don’t say it but we faithfully accept that Lady Justice is indeed blindfolded and swayed only by the weight of her scales. These assumptions keep society civil. It is also explains why we hesitate to place a tyre around the neck of corrupt politicians because we expect the sluggish long arm of the law to catch up - sometime. Or perhaps, we are too tired to do otherwise.

In any case, there is an implicit reliance on the relative wholesomeness of the courts to do its job. It is the way we take it for granted that electricity from PHCN won’t always destroy our electronics. Unlike executives with comparatively short tenures, judges spend their careers on the bench. They are not going anywhere for a while. A judge’s untainted reputation is perhaps, His Lordship’s most important asset. This is why allegations of corruption against judges must not be trivialised.

Whether it amounts to a modern day trial of the Biblical Job or ‘judgment day’, the Nigerian judiciary has had its fair share of allegations of corruption. Earlier this year, Senator Iyiola Omisore of Osun State placed advertorials alleging ‘brazen judicial robbery’ and also dismissed an entire hierarchy of the judiciary. There is also the rather infamous and on-going inquiry into allegations of corruption thrown by two high-ranking members of the bench. A few days ago, newspapers reported that the judges of the Supreme Court took bribes, based on an alleged conversation between the ‘gregarious’ Mr. Speaker and the Ambassador Sanders.

I don’t think the courts should ‘descend to the arena’ to defend these allegations. There is something beneath that accepted nobility that makes it awkward to have their adjudicating Lordships explain their roles in the courts of public opinion. Yet, one cannot deny the taint on the courts’ reputation and the attendant effect on its powers.

Where do we draw a line between the duty of the press and the citizen to expose corruption in our institutions and a disdain for trivialising corruption allegations? I don’t know. I however think that headlines using excerpts from what sounds like gossip in an alleged Wikileaks cable borders on sensationalism.

The shame smeared on the bench is shared by everyone in a wig. The bar must protect the integrity of the bench. One place to start is an inquiry into Senator Omisore’s allegations. If indeed the court was compromised, Nigerians deserve to know. If the distinguished Senator was on a verbal plunder of sorts, then we must make an example of why careless accusations should not be made against the judiciary. Mr. Speaker has denied making the statements, which places the burden on the newspapers to help us better appreciate the authenticity of the document they based their reports on. It would be interesting to see how that goes.

United States’ Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, Robert H. Jackson’s aphorism rings as clear as 1953. The Supreme Court is not final because it is infallible; it is infallible because it is final. We must protect that infallibility. If we fail, we will succeed at mocking Hobbes by managing to live nasty, short and brutish lives under a central democratic government.

I put this up on YNaija and NigeriansTalk too.

Interpreting the law: Protecting our Political Institutions

2011-03-01T00:01:00.002Z

There are many reasons why dead people are ideal role models - the human memory is a little frail and forgiving, it is easier to revere and beatify those who will never fall from 'grace'. This especially applies when they leave just as we were about to place a halo on their heads. So, I’ll begin with Abraham Lincoln’s thoughts on ‘bad law’. Lincoln was America’s sixteenth president and its first to be assassinated. He was also a lawyer. In his Lyceum address, which was in defence of political institutions, Lincoln had firmly held on to a literal approach to interpreting law. According to him, ‘although bad laws, if they exist, should be repealed as soon as possible, still while they continue in force … they should be religiously observed’. This is often quoted as ‘[t]he best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly’. While the American justice system is not without its frailties, it is old enough to have made enough mistakes for us to learn from.

Lincoln was not particularly ingenious on his arguments for the literal interpretation of law. American jurisprudence provides a history of strict constructionism. As Alexander Hamilton said at least half a century before Lincoln’s speech: ‘liberty can have nothing to fear from the judiciary alone’ as the legislature, not the judiciary has the power to make laws.

The Nigerian judiciary has also towed this path. In AG Abia State v. AG Federation (2006) 16 NWLR (Pt. 1005) 265, for example, the Supreme Court warned against courts going out on ‘an unguarded voyage of discovery’. And we agree. It accords to common sense that laws be followed as they were written. Judicial activism must not be used as a cloak for retroactive application of laws. The text of the law must be adhered to. This certainty allows for fairness.

However, even literal enthusiasts realise that strict literal interpretation can lead to illogical absurdities. For example, a law that punishes a person who draws ‘blood in the streets’ cannot extend to a surgeon who opened the vein of a person who fell down in the street - K Mart Copr. V. Cartier Inc. 486 US 281 (1988). While this may be an extreme example, it does not remove the fact that strict construction can often lead to absurd consequences. Language is after all, in Denning’s words, ‘not an instrument of mathematical precision’.

Nigerian jurisprudence is also rich on interpretation of statutes. We have been cautioned again and again to first begin with a literal interpretation except where the provisions are unclear. Niki Tobi JSC’s metaphor in Global Excellence Communication Limited & 3 Ors v. Donald Duke SC. 313 /2006 is helpful: where the provisions are unclear…. [t]he court is expected to apply a compass in a ship to navigate the waters to arrive at the intention of the makers of the Constitution’. Other judgments echo this and it would do little to expound on them.

What makes a statute unclear? Is it the judge’s perception or in Jerome Frank’s words, ‘what the judge had for breakfast’? We hope not. Determination must perhaps, depend on what the Court in AG Federation v. Abubakar (2007) 10 NWLR (Pt. 1041) 1 put as the ‘circumstances of our people’.

This is why the Honourable Federal High Court’s decision interpreting the tenure for the governors of Kogi, Cross River, Bayelsa, Adamawa and Sokoto states as beginning from 2008 may have fallen victim of the doctrine of absurdity.

Section 180 (2) (a) of the 1999 Constitution amendment provides for gubernatorial tenure from the date the governor was ‘first elected as Governor… took the Oath of Allegiance and oath of office’. The honourable Federal High Court has interpreted this literally – holding that the governors of those states began their tenure after the rerun. The honourable Court’s reasoning indeed follows a sequential logic – since these governors were elected afresh, then they must indeed be deemed as newly elected. I however humbly and respectfully disagree with the distinguished court’s rationale.

The Nigerian Constitution, as many other constitutions, does not state the rules for interpretation. It is because it is an organic document, ‘intended to endure for ages’ to be ‘adapted to various crisis of human affairs’ – McCulloch v. Maryland, 4 Wheat. 316 (1819) 415. It is not meant to be interpreted with ‘stultifying narrowness’ or with a meaning that will effectuate rather than defeat its purpose - A-G Federation v. A-G Abia State (2001) 11 NWLR (part 725) 689 @ 728 -729. Indeed, the true meaning of a legal text almost always depends on a ‘background of concepts, principles, practices, facts, rights and duties which the authors of the text took for granted or understood, without conscious advertence, by reason of their common language or culture’ - McHugh J in Theophanous v Herald & Weekly Times Ltd, (1994) 182 CLR 104 at 196.

A literal interpretation must mean that the terms earlier granted to the governors were illegal since the same Constitution provided for the expiration of the Governor’s tenure at the expiration of four years from the day he was first elected. It can therefore be argued that all actions made during the initial period before the rerun are void. The governors must also be made to account for all moneys spent and income received as a result of this illegal tenure. Yet, we would immediately deride these assertions as illogical and perhaps inequitable that these gentlemen be punished for the delay in the legal process.

Thankfully this loophole has been addressed by the amended constitution. Yet, we must remember that we create the law and rule by it. The law does not rule us. Even if a law is bad, it behoves on us to ensure that the judiciary remains the last hope for justice – the type of justice that the man off the street recognises as such. Fittingly, Lincoln’s address went on with what has now been regarded as an ironic warning against a ‘towering genius’ with ambition to push against the norm: whether at the expense of emancipating slaves, or enslaving freemen. In 1863, twenty-five years after his fiery call for the perpetuation of political institutions, he did the exact opposite by issuing the Emancipation Proclamation.

This was first published in the THISDAY LAWYER, THISDAY: 1st March 2011

This Dog Already Has a Bad Name

2011-02-27T08:03:00.001Z

Chief Olabode George did not ‘steal’ - at least, no one has proven that he has. Yet, social media is still warm from the fiery fumes of righteous anger burning from the Nigerian online community. We are convinced that the former chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority was convicted for theft of public funds. We have then taken to Facebook and Twitter to share our disgust at the advertorials and live broadcast of politicians in aso-ebi and the hero’s welcome given to a ‘thief’. Of course, there are the ubiquitous warnings to #RSVP and choose wisely (read as ‘non-PDP) during the April elections.

Ex-convicts should not be shunned and made pariahs merely because they made mistakes. It is perhaps prudent to rehabilitate former offenders and reintegrate them into society – or so theories go. Even so, despite our disdain for convictions and supercilious pretentions, ex-convicts have played significant roles in their post-jail lives. The revered Obafemi Awolowo was an ex-convict and any of the members of the pre-kidnap era MEND would fit his toes in Mandela’s shoes. The stigma isn’t as strong as we assume and it sometimes depends on who tells the story.

Chief George, along with five former members of the NPA board, was convicted in 2009 for ‘contract splitting’, abuse of office and disobedience of a wilful order. The charge of contract inflation was not proved as the prosecution failed to show a price list which would validate an unjustifiable increase. The honourable judge of the High Court of Lagos State held that the defendants deliberately and 'arbitrarily' divvied up the contracts to bring them within limits that could be approved by the board. So, there were no allegations of wilful conversion or theft; ‘merely’ conspiracy to award contracts that shouldn’t have been awarded. The court held that these men were ‘responsible corporate officers’ who had a duty to scrutinise contracts before approving them. Therefore, they could not claim that they were board members who should not be responsible for actions carried out by their subordinates.

There lies the reason for our anger: public officers are responsible for their offices. They don’t even have to steal to get us mad about circumventing due process or abusing our trust. Public office holders are responsible to the public whose taxes (and rights to money received from natural resources) pay their salaries. They should not act in a manner that is prejudicial to public good. This dog already has a bad name.

We have a right to be mad at the aso-ebis that welcomed Chief George because some of them hold or aspire to hold public offices. We should be infuriated that abuse of public positions isn’t seen as despicable or dishonourable enough so that we avoid people who indulge it. We must be angry because it is enough to influence government contracts or act in an unlawful manner. We should throw our hands in the air and mourn the loss of the deterrence that the conviction brought in 2009 and the acceptability of abuse of public office.

Perhaps this has come from being accustomed to low expectations from our leaders. This is the time to move away from satisfaction at leaders that ‘do something’ to a demand for integrity, knowing that performance of one’s duty is to be taken for granted. It is important that we remember that public officers must act right. So that when we decide to #Select and vote, it would be because we expect – and deserve much, much more.

-----

YNaija was very kind and posted my thoughts here.
NigeriansTalk also let me put it up here.

African Bloggers' Statement on David Kato and Uganda

2011-02-26T08:10:00.002Z

"We the undersigned wish to express our deep sadness at the murder of Ugandan human rights defender David Kato on 26th February 2011. David's activism began in the 1980s as an Anti-Apartheid campaigner where he first expressed a strong passion and conviction for freedom and justice which continued throughout his life. David was a founding member of Sexual Minorities Uganda where he first served as Board member and until his death as Litigation and Advocacy Officer and he was also a member of Integrity Uganda, a faith-based advocacy organization.

David was a man of vision and courage. One of his major concerns was the growth of religious fundamentalism in Uganda and across the continent and how this would impact on the rights of ordinary citizens including lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered / Gender Non-Comforming and Intersex [LGBTIQ] persons. Years later his concerns were justified when the Ugandan Anti-Homosexuality Bill backed by religious fundamentalists was outlined in 2009. David was also an extremely brave man who had been imprisoned and beaten severely because of his sexual orientation and for speaking publicly against the Anti-Homosexuality Bill.

Many African political and religious leaders in countries such as Ghana, Nigeria, Cameroon, Zambia, Gambia, South Africa, Zimbabwe, Uganda, Malawi and Botswana, have publicly maligned LGBTIQ people and in some cases directly incited violence against them whilst labeling sexual minorities as “unAfrican”.

In October 2010, the Ugandan tabloid, Rolling Stone published the names and photographs of "100 Top homos" including David Kato. David along with two other LGBTIQ activists successfully sued the magazine on the grounds of "invasion of privacy" and most importantly, the judge ruled that the publication would threaten and endanger the lives of LGBTIQ persons.

The court did not only rule that the publication would threaten and endanger the lives of LGBTIQ persons but it issued a permanent injunction against Rolling Stone newspaper never to publish photos of gays in Uganda, and also never to again publish their home addresses.

Justice Kibuuka Musoke ruled that,

"Gays are also entitled to their rights. This court has found that there was infringement of some people’s confidential rights. The court hereby issues an injunction restraining Rolling Stone newspaper from future publishing of identifications of homosexuals."

Every human being is protected under the African Charter of Peoples and Human Rights and this includes the rights of LGBTIQ persons. We ask the governments of Uganda and other African countries to stop criminalizing people on the grounds of sexual orientation and afford LGBTIQ people the same protections, freedoms and dignity, as other citizens on the continent."

Molisa Nyakale: Molisa Nyakale

Anengiyefa Alagoa: Things I Feel Strongly About

Anthony Hebblethwaite: African Activist

Barbra Jolie: Me I Think

Ben Amunwa: Remember Ken Saro-Wiwa

Bunmi Oloruntoba: Bombastic Element

Chris Ogunlowo: Aloofaa

Eccentric Yoruba: Eccentric Yoruba

Exiled Soul: ExiledSoul

Francisca Bagulho and Marta Lança: Buala

Funmilayo Akinosi: Finding My Path

Funmi Feyide: Nigerian Curiosity

Gay Uganda: Gay Uganda

Glenna Gordon: Scarlett Lion

Godwyns Onwuchekwa: My Person

Jeremy Weate: Naija Blog

Kayode Ogundamisi: Canary Bird

Kadija Patel: Thoughtleader

Keguro Macharia: Gukira

Kenne Mwikya: Kenne’s Blog

Kinsi Abdullah: Kudu Arts

Laura Seay: Texas in Africa

Llanor Alleyne: Llanor Alleyne

Mark Jordahl: Wild Thoughts from Uganda

Matt Temple: Matsuli Music

Mia Nikasimo: MiaScript

Minna Salami: MsAfropolitan

Mshairi: Mshairi

Ndesanjo Macha: Global Voices

Nyokabi Musila: Sci-Cultura.

Nzesylva: Nzesylva’s Blog

Olumide Abimbola: Loomnie

Ory Okolloh: Kenyan Pundit

Pamela Braide: pdbraide

Peter Alegi: Football is Coming Home

Rethabile Masilo: Poefrika

Saratu Abiola: Method to Madness

Sean Jacobs: Africa is a Country

Sokari Ekine: Black Looks*

Sonja Uwimana: Africa is a Country

Spectre Speaks: Spectre Speaks

TMS Ruge: Project Diaspora

Toyin Ajao: StandTall

Tosin Otitoju: Lifelib

Val Kalende: Val Kalende

Zackie Achmat: Writing Rights

Zion Moyo: Sky, Soil and Everything in Between

Sokari Ekine: Black Looks put this together. Thank you.

2011... yawn

2011-01-04T14:56:00.002Z

I like the delusion of a new year. It is a mental bridge that tells me that assures me of my ability to do things differently. I like it and I refuse to question it. My new year, like most Nigerians, started off in church, steely proclaiming the final seconds of the year done and embracing the new. Like I did for most of the years of my life, I have a mental list of things that will ‘change’ with my illusion. Unlike those though, I have penned them with the flourish of Facebook notes and tweets. I don’t intend to bore anyone with my tedious definitions of getting better though… ok ok if you insist J

I’ll be ‘sweeter’ – in the nice, sweet girl way. I am so so tired of people describing me as ‘tough’ or ‘ambitious’ when all they mean is a synonym for Omarosa. I am thinking a mix of Abike Dabiri and harmless looking Oluchi in clothes or a better paid Super Falcons. I am not decided though. But I’ll look less cynical when my classmates talk about ridding the world of ‘fossil fuels’ and using hybrid cards without talking about where the electrical energy comes from. I’ll resist the temptation of throwing something at people who talk about ‘Africa’, like it were some nice little country, where we all speak Swahili and eat insects.

If I do meet Mike Ealy or Keziah Jones (who are my ideals of male hotness), I'll take the advice of one of ex-good friends and stop faking ‘smart chic’ and stop wearing my oversized glasses. Desperate times call for desperate measures so that while it means I’ll see them (or anything less clearly), I'll become more ‘marketable’.

I will enjoy the little things more often. I won’t complain about the annoying cold (-23 last week) or how hot Naija will be. I will cover up more and shut up while here. If by chance, I have to wear the robe and wig this year, I would simply fold them and tell the judge a nice sob story about getting robbed on my way while on an okada to court.

I’ll be more grateful to my friends for reading my rant-like, hardly reliable posts.

Thank you for memories of 2010. I look forward to a more interesting 2011.

'Sustainability' – What on Earth is that?

2010-11-17T19:27:00.007Z

I have been spending a lot of time with fanatically fervent tree huggers who want to save the ~~world~~ planet. They are only a little less dramatic and probably too slim to get their hands around a sturdy iroko. Barring the inconveniences of their physical limitations, they are as idealistic as they come. This is their story – the earth and its resources are declining at a systematic rate but they will fix it before it gets destroyed. Their idealism is as infectious. It probably helps that they are some of the world’s fantastic personalities in one place.

In order to save the earth, they strongly believe that we should start exploring solar, wind and other forms of ‘clean energy’. They warn that we can no longer solely rely on the crude from the Niger Delta or Qatar. Crude is bad for the rivers, gas flaring is bad for the earth, and we will soon run out of it anyway. Over coffee, I listen as they share opinions on how awful coal is and its impacts on the carbon cycle. I try to tell them that ‘clean energy’ sounds suspiciously pretentious with vague memories of someplace called ‘Copenhagen’ with pompous sounding ‘save the environment’ campaigns. I wonder if they will care about where energy comes from if they had to use candles, lanterns and spend money on fuel for cranky ‘I-better-pass-my-neighbour- generating sets. I protest that clean energy is like a comfortable goal for economies that have grown fat on oil-based industrialisations, like an indulgent dessert after a nice bowl of eba and efo riro. Yet, I cannot ignore the fact that the world is only on one earth and despite its critics, climate change affects this one earth.

When they talk about incorporating environmental policies in different sectors of the economy, I nod absentmindedly. They don’t know about Bar Beach and the shore protection bars that we hope will continue to stem the tides and stop the lagoon from stealing more of Victoria Island, and I don’t mention it. I remain conflicted because I still desperately want a ‘developed’ Nigeria but I still want my unborn children and their grandchildren to be able to thrive on what is left of the earth. As we talk and share, I wonder about whether we’ll need oxygen tanks in the next hundred years. Then I nearly convince myself that the Nigerian resilient spirit will adapt to whatever air exists. More importantly, I wonder if a China styled fast-paced development is mutually exclusive of a thriving earth. It is hard to agree with anything other than how the coffee tastes when I talk with these people on this point.

The environment is not the entire story. They also say that our resources are fast depleting. I find that more familiar than ‘global warming’. I can’t remember ever really seeing the trees that used gave the rainforest its name or eating fish from the Ogun River or groundnuts from the North. We are indeed overharvesting from the earth. When these people scorn fertiliser for stripping the earth of nutrients however, I hold my throat to keep my voice in check. I am almost successful at withholding the indignation that comes from seeing people hungry and knowing the ‘good’ done by fertiliser. Don’t they realise that the real choices are often ‘food’ or ‘no food’ and that ‘organic’ hardly bears any meaning? Don’t they care that fertiliser increases food production? So what if the soil is destroyed? Who wants a healthy earth with starving people? Like Noah, Utnapishtim or Ziusudra however, they are firmly aware of impending doom and despite the ridiculousness of a flood in arid lands and the laughter that welcomes their sermons, they continue to preach it. Their voices are loud and soon enough, I am starting to wonder how we can get more food without destroying the earth. I start to imagine that our scientists could bring up new ways to grow food. I wonder about preservation of food and how much more useful it will be.

My new friends also warn of the erosion of trust and of institutions that undermine people’s capacity to meet their needs. This is what I really connect with. I am reminded of shameless corruption, of brazen thievery and unaccountable public spending. I recall that a few weeks ago, a high court ruled that Zainab Isa Mayana’s forced marriage was not an abuse of her human rights and of the importation of British dustbins for nearly One Billion Naira. I don’t share these stories though. I’ll rather not add to the ‘corrupt African stereotype. I yet find it easier to talk over cooling coffee about the unsustainability of the way our political systems are run or the way the dangers of the present socio-economic system. I easily agree about the benefits of fair trade and join in complaining that it is often not enough. We chat about the Millennium Development Goals and how it could be much more effective. We finally come to a common ground and agree that our world could indeed be better with ‘fairness’.

That is what sustainability is: the journey towards a socio-economically and environmentally enduring world – despite the many differences in how we think we can get there.

The Guardian Nigeria kindly published this on 19th November 2010

Na de same

2010-07-13T21:15:00.004+01:00

Politics and those that abuse it are hardly ingenious.

While the 'dire corruption' in country Africa persists, finding Sarkozy's protests on the Bettencourt scandal mocked by Liberation sounds like 234 Next's headline on Ibori.

Polanski, like IBB, has also shown that redress is for the powerful. The rest of the world can go lick their wounds and withdraw their claws.

Ms. W and her Decisions

2010-07-12T23:31:00.004+01:00

Someone I know once called a woman I admire a big Lagos prostitute. He did not use the word ‘prostitute’ – perhaps, the world's oldest ivy-worthy profession; maybe an 'acceptable' word. He used a bad word, cringe-worthy, worse than the ‘w’ word or the ‘h’ one.

This woman is one of the strongest women I know of – straight from poverty, of which she tells without shame - to a successful business woman. Her business, I shall not tell; because she is famous enough to be known by that business. Whatever it is, I assure you that it has nothing to do with flesh retailing.

The woman – I will call her Ms. Woman, Ms. W for short – is a single woman and a mother. She has never been married and not for the lack of suitors. She is smart and witty and whose name I think will endure.

What makes a woman a prostitute? Is it her unpretentious allusions to a sexual nirvana? Is it because, perhaps, like her male counterparts, she is open to trysts without assumption of a unending commitment?

Men are happily slutty Casanovas. Society easily forgives their trespasses – from polygamy to plain old coupling with children and adults. Would Ms. W be more respected if she were Mrs? I was brought up to see marriage as sacrosanct – a sacred union of two people, who determined to ‘forsake all others’ and live their lives together. Marriage is not most of these anymore. Even my decades-past cuddling parents hardly see eye to eye.

Is marriage and happily ever afters impossible? I really hope not. Should a woman, or man, be judged by her sexual standards? I really hope not.

12^th July 2010

I don't know why K'Ore's Eledumare Werks

2010-07-05T18:29:00.004+01:00

There are many reasons why K’Ore’s ‘Eledumare’ album should not work.

It is a gospel album in a world where anyone with half of a commercial brain will not define an album as ‘Christian’. It sounds like Sting with Yoruba parents, Erik Benet with funk, Fuji and sometimes rumba. Worse still, it is a first album that features an unknown rapper.
For some reason,’ Eledumare’ happens to work.

‘Eledumare’ is a twelve-track offering with a hopeful ‘I believe’ an opener. I like ‘I believe’ for its laid back vibe and violins. The next comes with very danceable ‘Eledumare’ and ‘To Declare’ (a call to arms with beats).

I absolutely love ‘Abeemo’ with J Lyricist for its fuji, rap and soft rock. So More rhymes with K’Ore and ‘Ibuchinimo’ samples soft rock and highlife. ‘Bebelube’ is an easy favourite with its tongue twisting proverbs. ‘Yanibo’ is my very own favourite, which probably betrays my illusions – struggles in a man’s head torn between family and the pretty girl, ‘who touched him with her heart’.

K’Ore tells of his faith and dances us into believing it. He does it so well with ‘Eledumare’. I even like the annoying rambling skits. It does a little more than ‘werks’.

K'Ore rocks.

Get it for yourself from Itunes

2010 APPROPRIATION BILL

2010-06-30T15:16:00.000+01:00

N10B worth of Celebrations

2010-06-30T15:05:00.002+01:00

Anniversary parade including march past, fleet review and aerial display N950 million.
National unity torch tour N350 million
Special visit to special homes, orphanages, prisons and hospitals N50 million

Special session of the National Children Parliament N20 million
Party for 1000 children N20 million
Presidential banquet N40 million
Calisthenics performance N50 million
Cultural, historical and military exhibitions N310 million
Food week N40 million
Secretariat equipment, accommodation logistics and utilities N320 million
Designing and unveiling of the 50th anniversary logo N30 million
Special reports on Nigeria in both local and international media N1.2 billion
Jingles, adverts, billboards, documentary and publicity N320 million
Accommodation and Transportation of guests N700 million
Production of branded souvenirs and gift items for foreign heads of state and erection of a coat of arms on Aso Rock N450 million
Variety gala night and fireworks N210 million
International friendly football match and local competition N200 million
Event managers and producers N120 million
Designing and publication of a compendium on Nigeria N400 million
Compendium on the legislature N150 million
Compendium on the judiciary N50 million
Commissioning of the golden jubilee plaza N10 million
Designing, construction and mounting of Tower of Unity in the 36 states of the Federation N540 million
Debates, essays, conferences, lectures, and a colloquium N150 million
Musical concerts and carnivals in the 6 geo-political zones N60 million
Durbar, masquerades and cultural dances N100 million
Designing and construction of 10 monuments of the founding fathers N80 million
A memory stone at the Tafawa Balewa Square , Lagos N40 million
Security and protocol N500 million
Medicals N25 million
Miscellaneous N105 Million

Celebrating Nigeria at 50.

2010-06-30T14:56:00.000+01:00

There is what I believe to be a late April Fools’ spoof about the N10 billion budget for the Nigeria at 50 celebrations. Some papers, here and there have reported that our newly minted Head of State has presented this budget, which allows for a N20 Million party for ‘1000 children’, N350 Million ‘National unity torch tour’, and of course, the ubiquitous N105 Million for ‘miscellaneous’.

If there is any emotion to flow from being fifty, it should be sorrow at our losses and failure after years of independence. Nigeria should declare 1st October as a day of mourning, a day to sit and cry out to whatever Gods we believe in, a day to mourn the years the military stole and the years of corruption afterwards. 1st October 2010 should be a day to worry about the next ten years, and the next forty.

But again, for a country whose lawmakers have been allocated N127.7 billion for the 2010 financial year and N44.3 billion for Universal Basic Education, a mere N10 billion is simply put to good use.

Government committee begins probe of Babangida

2010-06-23T08:56:00.000+01:00

What is this we hear about the vaguely couched inquiry into the Gulf Oil money?

“The committee on Okigbo report has been constituted. The committee’s work will begin properly as soon as the Solicitor-General of the Federation, who is the chairman of the committee, and who, right now, is away on an official assignment outside the country, returns.”
“The committee will begin the process of its work by first authenticating the copy of the report we received. Once that is done, it will go ahead to review all the allegations and recommendations in the report, with a view to advising the Federal Government on the next line of action.”

Let's watch this happen.

Yerimagate and the Logic

2010-05-11T10:10:00.006+01:00

Cheta seems tear down the Holy Prophet's child-marriage argument at Next.

My friend, Hajel however tells me this is not true.

I find myself leaning towards what she says.

According to her, Cheta's argument falls on its face: if Hadiths are unreliable, his arguments also fail on that score as Cheta relies on Hadiths for ‘Asma's age at death.
Then again, Cheta relies on ibn Hajar for his arguments ('Asma's death).

Yet, Ibn Hajar at Hajar’s Isabah IV, p.359-360 tells A’isha was married by the time she was 9 years old. (footnote in al-Tabari vol.11 p.141 footnote 766). Another historian says Aisha was playing with dolls at the time she got married. (Sahih Muslim vol.2 book 8 ch.548 no.3310,3311 p.716; Sahih Muslim vol.4 book 29 ch.1005 no.5981-5982 p.1299; Sunan Abu Dawud vol.3 book 36 ch.1769 no.4913 p.1373, ibn Hanbal. A 19 year old girl, fascinated with dolls?

More here

The point yet remains, despite what happened years ago, Yerima was indecent. He is a pedophile and inhuman. There is as little excuse for what he did as for taking out your eye if it makes you sin or stoning an adulteress.

GS : How E Concern Me Sef?

2010-05-11T07:21:00.007+01:00

I caught some of the Goldman Sachs Senate investigations on C-Span – not because I particularly care about seeing the downfall of rich and smart oyinbo but because it was raining and no okada would take me to the bus stop. More so, I liked the way the members of America’s Senate, tried to pretend they knew enough of derivatives to quiz the poker-faced financial gurus rather than say things like ‘ I hear you cook for madam’ or ‘Are you the only one, eh, you want to do all the business in this country?’. I am also interested in investment banking and watching was an easier way to learn.

My (unpopular) thoughts on it: SEC, like Munger said, is the idiot tiger keeper, who let the tiger play without a collar and harness. SEC took Adam Smith’s invisible hand theory to heart - the gurus sounded smart, SEC, like many governmental organisations wasn’t too eager to scuttle the boat, after all, the rating agencies had said everything was okay.

SEC is trying hard to regain credibility. It will try to convince America that Madoff was a one-off and that it is a ferocious lion, ready to protect its young cubs. Already it is sharpening its claws with the civil fraud suit and well aided by AG’s criminal probe. It will also try to show that GS refused to teach and hid facts.

I like debt – in the way you have to get used to a crooked nose if you are averse to surgery. Nigeria is deep in debt and if I can do anything about it, I have to manage it and recreate debt for wealth. That is why I like securitisation, and asset backed obligations. However, I do not understand well enough, so I won’t trade in these securities - yet. I also do not expect anyone to hold my hands or play by the Ten Commandments. I expect to carry out due diligence and save for fraud (which SEC is so itching to show), carry out my business on my own risks.

Yet... how ds one concern me?

Where does Retelling Nigeria’s History fall in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

2010-04-27T14:44:00.002+01:00

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs holds basic needs as breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, among other bodily functions. These needs, according to his theory, are basic and come before safety, love/belonging, esteem and self-actualisation. With 70% of Nigerians below poverty line, one man’s interests in governance and his attempt to retell history seems way above what we care about. That may explain why General Ibrahim Babangida would claim ownership for advantageous reformation of the Naira or fuel prices.

I was ten when General Babangida ‘stepped aside’. I am therefore a member of the youth whom he has declared unfit of govern. His opinion is his, the consequence of a right guaranteed by a Constitution, which predecessor he suspended for eight years. The same Constitution allows him to run for Presidency. His right to express his thoughts is also protected under a democracy, which no thanks to him, is still in his its infant stages. Fairly, he may have a point. Governing in Nigeria is largely dirty politics, where people are elected while in police custody or with corruption charges hanging, Damocles-style on their heads. Save the Fela Durotoyes, B.F. Fasholas, the Chiamanda Adiches, the (not so youthful) Bayo Ogunlesis and other young people in the public and private sectors, few Nigerians have governing experience. Fewer have had opportunities to misappropriate public funds.

However extensive, the general’s rights are, they do not extend to retelling history. His rose-tinted lenses for 1985 – 1993 is in simple-speak, lying.

Before the measures of the the Structural Adjustment Programme initiated by General Babangida in 1986, one dollar exchanged for 77 kobo. In the same year, post-SAP this time, the dollar exchanged for 1.756 Naira and continued to depreciate until today. The SAP was a response to failed fiscal policies created as to redress the deteriorating economic conditions post-oil price crash. Just before General Babangida, the increase in oil production and recovery of the agricultural sector from a two-year drought had lead to a reduction in inflation and real GDP growth.

General Babangida’s claim of beneficial oil prices is untrue. In 1992, the government of General Babangida increased the price of PMS from 70k to N5.00. This 614% increase is still the highest single jump in Nigeria’s history. In 1993, classic Maradona style, it was reduced to N3.25. The economy of course could not take it and the prices were again increased by General Abacha in 1994 to N11.00.

In some countries, a declaration of intention to run by a former military leader whose economic policies continue to hunt us, whose name is tainted by charges of corruption and who was hounded by the late Gani Fawehinmi on allegations of murder would create uproar. In saner nations, General Babangida will cover his head in shame and accept responsibility of his former Chief of Army Staff, General Abacha’s actions. If General Babangida had any sense of responsibility, he would be hunted by the dead from riots following the annulment of the June 12 elections among other human rights abuses. He would not wait for people to rise to the streets, Kyrgyzstan style to protest the insult.

In Nigeria, esteem is way up Maslow’s ladder.

*Funmilayo Akinosi is a Nigerian.

The conceit that leads us to put words into letters.

2010-03-30T20:48:00.001+01:00

Great tips for Writing:
Here and there

Being Thankful

2009-11-16T13:52:00.003Z

I am learning to be thankful for the little things and will attempt a day to day reminder of things to say Thank You God for:

1. Traffic - for somewhere to go to.

2. Taking okada - that despite my lack of 'hearing', I am still safe, no broken legs, no broken head...

3. 7:30 - whatever time I get the ride home: That I have a job to go to everyday, salary in my account every month.

4. Dissatisfaction - that I can think through the past and present and want a better tomorrow.

5. Glasses - that I have eyes to do the basic work in the first place.

6. Having to walk from my house to the bus stop: double thanks - for a house to live in, legs to walk ... and a third: exercise nicely slotted in my day.

7. 'Annoying People': For being able to actually notice them, go to places where they can be founds... and of course, a reminder of my absolute goodness, kindness... etc

8. My hairline and the trouble the braids caused - That there is 'Dr Miracle'.

Tomorrow's your opportunity to fail or be succesful if you please, yes indeed, tomorrow ...

2009-01-30T09:32:00.003Z

With the rest of '09, winking at me, telling of how time flies; I have resolved today, 30th January '09, to start blogging again.

- Amen.

Oh, sorry!

2008-11-30T20:44:00.000Z

Oh, I didnt mention it - in practice now.
Left the bank for law.

This and that

2008-11-30T20:34:00.002Z

Ha.

Nice thing the world's moved from Obama (no, it is not bad belle, I really just got bored)

Work has been crazy, and it does not help that i cannot even went out my anger because i hear i have an attitude - which really i don't really care much about, but 'm pretending to care.

-and my friend (or someone I thought was it), got married yesterday 0 i heard through another 'friend', who went to the reception.

I feel old... and un-friended.

NFA lounging

2008-08-14T15:54:00.004+01:00

I'm in Lag today.
By some mix of stuff happening and a crazy need to simply get out of Mkd, I'm in Lag- which comes somthing of an anti-climax- wonder why I dint come during Easter sef.

Today is simply louning- jobless, NFA lounging.

I'll worry tomorrow.

P.S: Someone called from work- sth I must do and submit before Mon. Made many calls; got many 'No's than a Xerox salesman; then finally a totally unexpected 'Yes'. Ce'st la vie

Counting down

2008-08-09T14:50:00.002+01:00

NYSC will be done in about .. .32 days- yes I am counting.

ANd in a weird way, I'll miss here.

Not the general Benue-hood but stuff that will always make this more than a one-year stop.

I'll be around for a while- at the bank before Training school but I'll miss plenty of it- The CDs I missed, the horrible ugly corper outfit; the failed attempts at negotiatiing a lower price usually ending wiht the 'Dont you know I am a corper'.

stuff.

Remodeling and Private security

2008-08-09T14:26:00.002+01:00

Week's been ok.

I never thought this could happen- but it has- we are in the middle of remodelling at work- that means we are attneding to customers who dont see the oddity in receiving cash while someone is breaking down a wall somewhere downstairs- funny actually.. Naija

and some guys came around-

we are vigilante. so you have to pay N500 each.

Maybe not so coherent but that's much of what they said and hinted that if I didnt pay, I'll be sure of worrying consequences after 9pm daily.

Blackmail.

I simply said no and even mentioned reporting to the police if I get hassled.

I'm watching.

NOT ANOTHER HALO! RE- A SECOND CHANCE FOR IBADAN ELITE

2008-07-08T12:30:00.001+01:00

This is a bit late but wrote it a while ago- unfortunately didnt get it finished and whatever-

It's a rejoinder to Mr.Olaniyonu's "A Second Chance for Ibadan Elite" (I guess it's okay to say stuff bout an almost one-month-dead- yoruba-elder). You can imagine my shock when right behind the Thisday (which arguably sits comfortably in Nigeria's top three dailies- besides their entertainment leanings). I saw the beginings of a halo over the infamous "Bashorun Gaa". I hope Mr Olaniyonu reads this and for shame,retracts that piece- or at least finds an objective friend-editor to read his pieces.

Here-

The right to free speech, freedom of thought and expression are sacred and most constitutions jealously protect these rights. I am aware that columns are primarily matters of opinion to which every person is entitled to- whether clearly thought or otherwise- and the rightness, sense, clarity or perceived independence is often subjective and in fact, another opinion.

I read Mr Olaniyonu’s piece last Friday- on the Adedibu we never knew- and while I did not agree with him, it acknowledged that it was refreshing to read an Adedibu-themed article that did not blindly join in the stone-throwing. However, I was alarmed to read his subsequent piece on 20th June. Recently, Nigerians have been force-fed with different rehashes of our recent history so it might have been a tinge of paranoia that sparked my alarm at Mr Olaniyonu’s perspective of Adedibu’s Amala politics and another ‘unnamed’ elite.

Before we are sold on another remix, or entitlement-mentality- Nigeria is not a socialist state. While government may play a role in protecting its citizenry from anti-trust leanings by corporations, no one is entitled to be fed by profit-maximising capitalists.

Ibadan has remained stunted because its Strongman had other ideas as to governance. Flowing from his ‘native intelligence’, government did not need to provide the basic infrastructure to help its people thrive if they could look upon a ‘Saviour’- why teach fishing when you can give a fish a day? The Yoruba in me shrinks at condemning the dead but not at another attempt to carve a halo on another head on the back page of one of Nigeria’s leading newspapers.

My virtual couch

2008-01-19T15:37:00.000Z

My virtual couch
I haven’t been able to properly blog or write since I went to camp (NYSC). Somewhere in my writer’s pride-ish mind, I’ve not had the ‘incentive’ or energy to go out of my way to blog since there’s no consistent ‘Oh, Funmi, that was a brilliant piece” and other flattering affirmations of readership.
Lately, at least now that ‘m all settled (started and adjusted to my service year), I’ve been missing my Dr Phil and the reason I started blogging- cheap therapy. Writing has always been my letting it all out just before (or even after) I start getting irritable at the slightest thing, or getting upset at everyone.
So, here I am again, doing the virtual couch.
The past month has been a rush of stress; anger at a system I had no control over; first interaction with sexual harassment and administrative corruption; disappointments; relief but then, stress and more stress. But I went through it, stronger, I guess a bit more mature, and definitely less naïve.
I’ve also grown a little more patient- it kind of grows on you when you realize that there’s nothing you can do but wait. I’ve also learnt to take decisions, decisions that may affect me in the long run, although I can only guess how far. I have leant to be more dependent on God, learnt to strive to listen to Him, I’ve learnt that even the nasty experiences have their snips of laughter and relief (if you take time to enjoy it). I can look back at my rough month and smile- because I went through it- and I’m still here.

Work starts.
Decided to stick with my bank job- I get to actually serve. Who knows, maybe when I’m about to be appointed Secretary-General of the UN or become Nigeria’s first (?) female president, some political rival will want to usurp me on the non-service thing.
Just started and probably too early to say it’s more than “okay” but ‘m not complaining and I’m liking it.
Let’s see how it goes.

Mo Money , Mo Problems.

2007-12-07T09:13:00.000Z

I'm having some choice-problems now.
It sounds silly and sort of ungrateful, mostly for others who wish they had similar problems.
I'm torn between service at a top bank and a top-law firm (what can I say, I'm just 'top' I guess)
Top Bank Route leads to employment at the bank's legal department with good pay (Yippee!0
Top Firm Route leads to exposure and learning. It seems the better option but it also means Lagos and stress (?)

I dont even know what to do about it.

Whatever beauty is?

2007-11-19T17:33:00.002Z

Sometime in the eighties, our TVs ran a syndicated advert for Venus, an old brand in the Nigerian hair-relaxer market, featuring our own ex-Miss Nigeria, Nike Osinowo, maybe you’ll remember-

“A- Wow, my hair could never be like that”

(A stares ‘lustfully’ at a woman’s picture in a magazine)

N. Osinowo replies from the magazine page, (cue in smile)-

“You’re wrong you know, you should have seen how dreadful my hair used to be, before my hairdresser introduced me to Venus, the vogue in hair care…”

There’s no trouble going nice and sweet consolatory cliché about beauty being in the eyes of the beholder. That doesn’t cut ice any more.We all know what ‘beauty’ is- silky hair, lightly-tanned skin and if necessary, nose-job-aided-pointed slits for nostrils. Undoubtedly, there’s the blond or auburn tresses (depends on the colour of the bottle), plastic-tipped nails and rake-thin arms that perfectly compliment the anorexic body. Of course, now, it’s almost okay to be botilicious, as long as you have the light tan, blond tresses and other glam features.

And except she’s 'lucky' to be Egyptian, from Cape Verde or some other pretender-African country (SORRY!), your African woman is at the wrong end of the stick with her full luscious lips and thick, dark, shiny hair. She’ll need to lose some weight because her full-figure simply doesn’t werk. There’s a little hope though- her melanin-protected dark skin can always be lightened to a ‘perfect tan’.

The ‘ultimate’ babe, a la, supreme object of seduction, aka, showstopper-music video siren (with the six-inch heels underneath a barely-there bikini) is anything but typically ‘black–looking’. Oh, it’s okay to be ‘black’, but definitely not look ‘African-black’. African-black is what you see in the AIDS adverts, NGO commentaries on Adopt-A-Child initiatives, and documentaries on wars and genocide. I agree that ‘black-looking’ is rather relative. You’ll have to distinguish between school-girl black (which really depends on whether you’re in Egun girls’ grammar school or Vivian Fowler for Girls’), Lagos-chick black, high-flyer black, Debbie-Ogunjobi black, Beyonce-black, Nike Osinowo-black, India Arie-black, Funmi Iyanda black, Christiana Milan-black, Jill Scott-black etc

I usually hate the self-pitying-blame-colonialism-loser-tirade. But I think that along with slavery, colonialism, subsequent decolonisation, later-decades westernisation and the division of God’s one World into first, second and third, we have been stuck with George Orwell-type ‘black is bad, white is good’. I’ll quickly mention my thoughts on what I think is ‘clearly inappropriate use’ of ‘black and white’ (looooong story and definitely for another article). I’ll like to share my ignorance and unworldly-perception- I have not met a white- or black- person. I absolutely look forward to, though. A real white or real black person! Wow! That’ll be weird. I wonder how ‘white skin’ will look, transparent? Clear-white? And ‘black people’, that’ll be something; you’ll keep running into them in the dark!

Whatever is beauty is what we say it is. We should redefine beauty, by our own, rather than borrowed standards. We are not oyinbo. The weave-on and hair relaxers we spend a fortune on are simply not ‘us’. We don’t have to look like a black Nelly Furtado to look good. We don’t have to wear wigs to be all snazzy and glam. We don’t have to look like someone on TV to be beautiful. Our thick black hair is fantastic. Our dark skin is smoother than camwood, we don’t need plastic for out nails. We are Beautiful.

We don’t have to try to be. We are.

I’m not anti-technology or unrealistic- wear your Prada, pay a fortune for your Gucci, if you want (even if you could get a nameless-and-blameless for one-tenth of the price). Wear make-up if you have to (save yourself the uncertain expressions when you try to prove to your colleagues that you are you- just you without make-up). But let’s draw a fine line at concerted efforts to make us think we have to look like what we are not.

The ‘Proudly-Nigerian’ fad is a relief. Now, designers realise that our beautiful Ankara is perfect for our weather. I also think the conceited ‘it’s from jand’ along with the immediate reverential awe that follows is now ‘razz’. Made in Nigeria is creeping into everything but the beauty part of our lives- not with the huge money industrialists continue to make off selling cheap weaves and getting ‘Nollyowood-faces’ to endorse them. Certainly not with the convenient way we burn our scalps to look ‘nice’. And wait for this (I find it laughable) – black relaxed hair with blonde rubber-weaves as bun!

It is not ‘normal’ to apply harmful chemicals to our hair to destroy our natural curls. Just because we’ve look forward to using D&L since we were six doesn’t mean that all grown ups have to look a certain way. It’s laughable that black-woman and Last King of Scotland actress Kelly Washington tells us to use L’Oreal to get rid of tight curls into free flowing hair, while displaying her perfectly fixed weaves. We should ditch the lie that hair should be straight and silky, that we have to look like Kate Moss, or that there’s a problem if our noses are not somewhat pointy.

The general reason for the six-weekly hair destruction is that ‘natural’ hair is unmanageable, hard and difficult to maintain. If you believe that God created man and so on, then you’ll know that He doesn’t make mistakes and he didn’t when creating your hair; or if you believe your grandparents were monkeys, you’ll agree that evolution did it’s best to adapt to what’s best. The only ‘difficultly’ lies in paucity of natural-hair-products and it’s largely because there’s little market for it, and that is because we have been told that our hair’s a mess that way.

Stay healthy- the iyan and efo riro way. Eat healthy, technology has made a lazy no village-farm-village that made our grandparents strong, so we should exercise and maintain a healthy weight.

Beauty is what we can make it to be.

Beauty is what we enjoy and Black is how we enjoy what we have.

Black is not razz. Black is not unmanageable. Black is not ‘not-classy’.

Musings on 7th October 2007

Back

2007-11-08T17:15:00.000Z

Back oh.

ha..what can isay..plenty plenty gist..

so tired cant blog properly. but in a few sentences... camp was ok..not the 'fun' everyone screams about it but a silent, well appraised 'fun'.
met so many people, was in the radio service, fought and made up with some soldier boys, met some fine boys, ate cheap food etc..

later

NYSC

2007-10-12T15:49:00.000+01:00

I was posted to Benue.

I'm doing an checklist of what I know about Benue-
1. The controversial present Attornety General of the Federation is from Benue.
2. The Tivs (and their beautiful dancing), and Tuface are from Benue.
3. It's Food basket of the nation

that's it...
far from being worried bout the unknown and all the scare everyone tells you just before NYSC, 'm actually excited, looking forward to a new place, new opportunities, new people.. afterall, it's just one year, I get to run away if i dont like it.

Cant blog until the end of camp and just before my call to bar.. so.
'll miss you...

I'll gist you about camp when I get back (I'll be filling my dairy everyday! )

X

Seen it oh…

2007-10-03T16:49:00.000+01:00

All the hype, drama, anxiety, etc - and I didn’t have to buy any scratch card or something silly- Seen it, did ok
Very grateful to God
Told the last sentence to an agnostic friend of mine and he was like –‘at least give yourself some credit’.
I laughed- for two reasons…
One- I said that as bait, waiting for him to take it and say what he said. He just proved me right.
Two- I really am.

A 'little' Sweaty?

2007-10-03T08:24:00.000+01:00

Law school results are released today.
At least that’s what we were told… then again we were also told that we wont ‘require any payment’ to check our results but from what I hear we have to buy scratch cards at Zenith Bank, na wah o.
I decided to blog my thoughts before and after- I have always looked forward to law school. At least since Ugo had that first class- it just seemed like something I could do- like a near to my tips of the fingers thing.
So, I got to law school, all ready to rumble until…
Any ways, I did it, went through it- attended lectures, tutorials, read etc. I even joined the moot court team as counsel (for prospective students – it’s not all that important. It takes a lot of your time, better spent studying and if you really want to include it in your resume, I think it’s enough to be a witness or something, otherwise just attend and watch… that’s enough to learn)
I enjoyed law school, learning and all that. But if you ask me, I think it’s a little overrated. Sorry, if I’ll be destroying a lot of fantasies, but it just is a bit overrated- the stuff about the uprightness, everything works etc… Maybe if you went to a school that reminded you of DRC or Rwanda, just maybe then, the whole experience will be somewhat ‘awesome’. But if you went to my school, the difference is more like wink-and-you-miss.
I don’t know- I guess I’m a bit nervous, a bit. I’m worried about my results- and me whether I would be disappointed. The bit about how law school results can be ‘crazy’ and has nothing to do with how well you did in school fazes me.. ok, I admit, it scares me a bit.
I don’t know what, ‘m just scared.
The rational part of me says not to worry, the God-relier says He’s got my back… but ‘m scared. Did I do well enough? Did I?
Did I pass.. well?
My heart beats a bit harder than my fingers can tap.

In a few minutes / hours, I’ll know for sure.

Cukuroo ku…

2007-10-02T10:23:00.000+01:00

Actually, the ‘toosh-er’ headline will be ‘cluck cluck’ or a birdie chirpy chirp but since I’m yet to see a chicken actually cluck cluck….
I didn’t do it!
Yes I‘m chicken... all talk, no action, chicken, etc- I didn’t do it.
The ‘no time’ excuses wont work- I had an extended weekend (oh, dear, I forgot to mention Nigerian became three years to fifty on Monday) … but I just couldn’t.
Got home on Friday and told my mom I was going to cut my hair. She said something like ‘oh, you will eh?’ dismissing my ‘confession’ in an “I want attention too, but I’m not pretending I want to cut my hair to get it” tone.
On Saturday morning, the sanitation exercise meant I had to wait till 10am before doing the deed. So I took my time, washing and conditioning it- I wanted to have a befitting exit, like a convict’s last day before the execution of the death sentence. She asked me why I was washing the hair since it was ‘due’ and I reminded her that I was keeping it natural. Oh, so what are you going to do to it now? she asked me. I am going to cut it now, I told you yesterday, I said.
Eh?
Eh, what?
No, you are not going to cut your hair oh?
Why now?
Ha, ma she be, (don’t do it), the hair is the glory of the woman.
Ha ha… which one is that now?
It went on and on, and you know what they say about women always getting their way- well, my mom is a woman… so.
I guess it also helped when I realised that my hairline hadn’t fully recovered from the last Ghana weaving I did so I decided to take her advice at least now, until I’m sure I wont look like one iya eko.
On Monday I decided to not look scattered to work so went to get my hair braided. I didn’t quite get to it because there were four women at the salon, by the time I got there, three of them wanting to get her hair in braids too. I simply took the excuse - I don’t like making my hair, I like the finished look but not the whole 4-6 hour process. So I dropped a few words to threaten my hairdresser (not the one that made me leave dye in my braids) that I was going to cut my hair and then I went home to sleep.
I simply decided to fall back on the odd wig. I can hear it in my head- sell out; traitor. I know. But what can I do? I have to go to work and my hair has to ‘conform’ in some sense. It’s sad that conformity makes me look like I’m trying hard to pretend I‘m one oyinbo (that’s why I hate weaves in the first place)

Next week’s NYSC anyway, there’s absolutely zero way I can manage a wig there so I’ll have to get it in braids – I promise- no weaves, just braids or something ‘African’.

Have a lovely वीक
x

Verizon Reverses Itself on Abortion Messages

2007-09-28T12:24:00.000+01:00

What on earth is everything coming to?
Maybe it’s the public character of the telephone that makes it ‘accountable’ to give non-discriminatory information fairly.
How come we allow corporate censorship to interfere with messages on racism, war, genocide etc but not abortion?
Who called for discrimination when Verizon dropped Akon a few month ago?
The issue is not the rightness or wrongness of abortion. It’s about advertising your convictions wherever you want. Nobody has whatever he or she wants.
Get your advert elsewhere… Television, radio, the Internet etc, just don’t call me discriminatory for deciding not to advertise your opinion.Very soon, we be called paedophilphobics for thinking paedophilia is immoral.

Keeping faith

2007-09-28T08:24:00.000+01:00

Been reading adefunke's blog for a while now, slowly but surely, I'm finding the courage to actually lock my hair.
Been keeping it natural for bout 5 months now.

It's been hard. It's been horrible...
I've tried to be strong. Letting go of easily 'combable' hair for tough and scanty natural.
It's been so hard! I cant even do the braids thing now cos the hair keeps sticking out in some funny way. So, 'm stuff with the reason I stopped 'retouching' the hair- lots of sweat from weaves.
I was in my 'weak period' last weekend at the salon. Right in front of me, was a large unopened jar of 'Dark and Lovely', and right in my purse was money to buy it.
I was so so so desperate and to make it worse, the silly hair refused to comb out. But Someone saved me, cos I didnt.

Right now, I'm sorely tempted with the idea of cutting it off this weekend...

Who knows...

Eavesdropping

2007-09-28T08:05:00.000+01:00

I was working.

I was actually all seriousey at my desk when this part of the conversation ‘filtered’ into my eyes. I tried hard not to listen but it kept one coming so I did the honourable thing and surrended.

'Mr. A' is the guy whose end of the conversation I wasn't intending to eavesdrop but did. The conversation was in Yoruba so interpretation is in brackets.

Mr. A. is one of the lawyers @ the firm I work-

Mr. A:. Iyawo mi ti bi mo o (we just had a baby)
Mr. A pauses…

Mr. A: … Eh, obirin ni (oh, well, it’s a girl)
Mr. A says this in a somewhat apologetic tone, then listens for a while, sighs.

Mr. A: ahh, omo sha lo mo n je (Oh, well, it’s a child after all- literarily interprets as -A child’s a child.)
Listens, then continues-
Mr। A: A try next time (We’ll try harder next time)

Ugh???

I cant believe I-

2007-09-26T10:24:00.000+01:00

Na wah oh..
All through lawschool I was complaining about the hours, the time, the lack of sleep, the stress...
I remember finishing my exams with a vow to steer clear anything law and gbo gbo e (all of that).
I did that successfully for two weeks- refusing to even read anysign with "law" in it; vegging out on dvds ( I saw 3 seasons of smallville, I stooped when I started suspecting everyone of weird powers) and books I stored up.
Then I started to bore.. I would grumble and tidy up everyday (ususally, I like a stae of organised-untidy), I started to complain about everything- that's when I knew i was in trouble.
So i unvowed-

I cant believe 'm doing this- barely one month to NYSC, I actually sent my resume to a law office for job oh!
Right now, 'm research assistant at this really nice (at least I think) law office on the Island- it comes with pocket money (very very very very small) and VI traffic.
Maybe my ex-roomate was right- I'm an aproco workaholic...
It is so so annoying.

No school no school no school

2007-08-16T03:37:00.001+01:00

Finally oh!
'The exams came and went...'

and now, no school..

results are on 3rd October or so..
ha..

Them last three weeks

2007-07-13T14:50:00.000+01:00

Three weeks more...

not so sure but it seems awkward that I stillhave a full head of hair (ok, maybe the synthetic weavon helps).
My anti perspirant must be all strong too.
I am not worried, not panicking.. just waiting.
a "let's get it done" feeling.

I'll just cross my 2-month old manicured fingers.

Yea... Law School

2007-06-08T16:45:00.000+01:00

Yea,
studying's a lot easier now.. save for the annoying break a la diss at my chiselled heart.

Back to school on 18th.. next week!

wow.. how fast does time fly
( cant believe i actaully wrote that!)

Happily After-Evers…

2007-06-08T16:41:00.000+01:00

Someone once told me, she’ll bet her eye-teeth if I cried on seeing Titanic.
It probably didn’t count for much for her astigmatic-myopic eyes, though I remember she had gum-trouble free teeth.
It probably didn’t help that after seeing “Pay It Forward”, a story which ends with a little boy wonder who gets killed not long before the credits roll. I remember the shock on my friend’s face when I simply remarked that it was well written and that the poor angel’s death made about a perfect end.
The point is that I certainly don’t come across as the weepy, goggled-eyed female. .. but I try to be as “female” as I can- may be not the giggling part, but at least, wear make up tight and ogle nice looking guys with firm butts.
Just when I though I had thawed somewhat, some psychologist wannabe who doubles as my friend says “You’ll scare many guys away”.
Quickly, my quick wit does the 911; I reply “not the ones whose opinion I respect”
While I’m sounding all calm and confident, I feel another dent in my almost-chiselled heart. I make another mental note in ink- Men don’t find independent women attractive- that is the most obvious lie after the snake did Eve. They think they do, but they don’t.

It’s amusing enough that my mom who four years ago used to warn me about the dangers of men has started growing worry-wrinkles unsmoothed by reassurances from her pastor that I wont end up like them career types. There’s the mischievous “so, who is he” question I have come to expect from nosy aunties and not-so- friendly friends.
At 24, I’m already fighting society’s expectations of mate-hood and at the same time, a chance to succeed. Someone with good intentions once warned me that it will be so much better to pick form what I have rather than wait it out, otherwise I won’t find someone to marry me.
I am far from being left on the clichéd shelf and still have my fair share of drooling admirers. Thinking of my issues, I seem to suffer from a commitment-phobia, bad karma (since I haven’t met someone I like-like) or (horror of horrors) severe short attention span. Maybe I really didn’t cry for Titanic but why should self-confidence or go-getting scare away the male specie? I can do well with the “I really don’t need a man to make me happy”. But I want a little bit more than that.
Quickly, I know I don’t want a marry-or-die psyche, yet, I know I don’t want to be another statistic... successful single mother.
I want to be successful and all- UN first female Secretary General, save the world from another Rwanda and Cambodia. Or maybe somewhere else the world needs saving by my egoistic self.
But I also want a family.
I have always wanted a family.
Maybe not always but almost always.
As badly as a want to be Condi Rice, I also want to adjudicate over the “mommy, Bode made silly faces at me”s. I want the husband and family. I want the silly contented look pregnant women carry proudly.
I also want to make my mark in the world. I don’t want to be all of Mrs and nothing of any other thing.
I want smile when I look at the piece of metal on my finger. Not because it’s there but because of who put it there. Thirty-five years done, I still want to hurry home and make him dinner because of the smile he has when sees me.

I want it all. I want it together- love, family, career.
I want happiness- whatever that is... After the "Evers"

Not so Extreme-ly

2007-06-05T18:03:00.000+01:00

Went clubbing with a couple of friends on friday...

No, it wasnt all that sophisticated... we had a suprise birthday party for my near-bestfriend and since his girlfriend couldnt drag him to our coup spot quickly, it was so late and we decided to finsh the partying at some club.
After finding out Vault was locked ( WHY??? on a Friday Night!!!), we decided to try out Extreme, another club on Victoria Island.
"Extreme" as I was told is sooo extreme. When, I asked why, my wordly wise friends informed me that I would soon find out..
find out I did..
After some minutes outside while the guys tried to make a discount from the N2k fee (N3k for VIP) at the gate for out 12-people group, I thought I had seen enough skin to assure me that I'll never have homosexual leanings.
fair skinned ( mostly, of course the light helped the pale skins) chicks managed to show me how easy it is not wear clothes at all. I suddenly felt overdressed in my spagetti strapped blouse and capris... But I was far from being "moved"- I was itching to dance, get in and feel the music bla bla bla
We finally got in- to old school music..
Itching to get my money's worth, I was unfazed but finally, the deejay's sorry mix of old school got to me and I opted for a Smirnoff ice.
Soon, I noticed a group of ladies .. ( that is really politically correct- add "of the night) strutting their thing.. For the first time, I saw dance moves to put Shakira to shame.. bla bla bla
After about an hour or two, the club finally became alive with plenty grinding and dancing...
The club group seemed to love Olu Maintain's Yahoozee and the ubiquitous D'banj. I loved the Tu face he played though.

We were nearly accosted at the car park as some hodlums asked for a lil cash- NO we didnt give any.

That was all that was Extreme about Extreme... ladies in little than nothing.. and 4 hours of almost-nice club music... okay, lots of smoke and little airconditoning too.
Rating 4/10

Black, White, and the Rest of the "Us"

2007-06-05T17:26:00.001+01:00

"I have seen very few actual black ppl in my life and even fewer white people) subscribe to this fallacy that because of our various shades of mellanin we have 1 homogenised culture. It's like saying all people with slitty eyes are chinese and people from the far east and south east asia all have the same culture. I mean europeans don't get lumped altogether do they? Actually some African folk can be ignorant about that too."

As part of another beautiful and enlightening ( that sound somehowish but it kinda works), my beautiful and smart "socially conscious friend" was breathing fire and brimstone on a topic it has become easier for me to ignore- the race issue.
It started on some "African-Carribean" thing. According to her, Africa is not Carribean- and it is so unfair to put them in the same box marked "African".. plus Africa had more htan slave trade to deal with-(neo-)colonialism etc.

I really want to see God, I decided to step in to the shoes of the beatitudial peacemaker- clearly, I hope, I told her that it's all so easy to be called black or African becuase that's what in your face. when you meet someone, you dont go about lookig into her brown or blue eyes- the first impression is hte most obvious which is the skin...
I got into so much trouble for my UN efforts and got some head-chewing email... part of which I copied here (where?- duh! in italics).

This is what I think.. (and she thought i should blog it)
It's has been a lot easier for me to ignore the race issue. Maybe because I live where it's odd not to have a high melanin content. It is probably easier to have stronger opinions because it's harder to deal with it when you live in a multiracial environment- that way, it's in your face kind of...
Here, ( in Nigeria) "multiracial" becomes an issue with most exparts and they are not that many. Then again, the "problem" is not with being black but with not being so..

When you are part of some majority, it's probably easier to claim Yoruba or Hausa or Ibo.. because you, along with millions of people are part of some big circle.. the Herd.
When you are not part of that herd, some form of survival instinct draws you to claim some form of bond based on any form of meeting point. Sometimes, it's geographical, most times it's physical.
In Nigeria, for instance and there's the minority groups.. most of them get called that " minorities" . In the near past, we've had a "south-south" group which is made up of so many diverse but small communities.. Kalabari, Ijaw, Itshekiri, etc.. ( Ijust did it again with the etc). What is not so amusing is that these people often have very little in common as to language or culture. Yet, we put them in one not so big box labelled "south-south". And you hear things like the Nigeria's vice president slot was allocated to the "south-south"- not Bayelsa, not ijaw.. but "south-south". That way, everyone can pretend that minorities' interests are being taken care of. Nothing really happens- it's all a mere facade.
\
The whole thing about ethnicity and the problem in proper tracing of one's group is all so troublesome that it may seem easy to just say " we are one people" under God or whichever theory as to Man's existence you want to align yourself to. for instace, my friend prides herself a south Londoner.. because she was born and grew up in that area. But somehow, I think she remains African.. because her parents are Africans , because she has a visibly high melanin content akin to those called "Africans". Being born and bred in London does not make her less African. Yet, I'm not sure if being dark skinned makes her less of a Londoner? Afterall, she doesnt look Irish and you wont take her as Welsh..

Some things arenot as clear as we want them to be. so sometimes, it seems enough to appreciate diversity without proper delineation. that way it seems safer and smother.. or maybe not.

and i say "white" and "black".. because it's shorter than "Nigerian-African-Londoner" or "Irish-Jewish Asian"...until we find "political correct" ways to put it.. words we mean that is. -Not just the "African-American" merely to remove the N-word.

2007-05-31T18:29:00.000+01:00

I have decided to start on my blogspot again.
True to type, I had completely forgotten about my spot in the rush for law school and all...
where did I stop?

anyways, i'll be done with chambers attachement in a few weeks and somehow, I'm not totally excited about it- no, I really dont find traffic that interesting.. and no, it'snot the sitting around...
it's just that I thought I had been reading and stuff's almost scary. was looking through company law yesterday and I panicked.. the scary panic.. no 6-inch stilettos, or weaves fluttering in the nice cool air...
the scary, yoruba woman panic.. complete with the open mouth and fascination with death (mo gbe).
It took a young woman's preaching ( God bless Tola) and the male kind's nice prayers before I could even settle down to study.. and the exams are in August!
That's what scares me, some funny quip about having 8 weeks left is far from soothing. merely shows me how little time I have left.

(it's started again!!.. breathe.. Funmilayo)

We'll talk tomorrow

2007-05-31T18:15:00.000+01:00

2006-11-28T21:16:00.000Z

28th November 2006
22:00

finally,After three weeks of 'activity', I feel like I'm actually getting a grasp of it all. There were times I tried to stay still, catch my breath and wonder why on earth I filled 'Law' in my JAMB Form* to why I actually decided to go to Law school. Then, I wondered which 'enemies' were at work in posting me to Lagos Law school. Lagos of all places... Lagos with the unending traffic and crazy drivers threaten you in their moving contraptions, Lagos where everyting 'must cost' ... that Lagos!
To think I thought the fates were playing some cruel joke at my expense; someone who loves me had back-up. I found out i was related to some people who live a mere hour from school as instead of the 2-3 hours travel from where I live and they were so excited to room me for the entire duration if I wanted.
Even better, I met an old friend who stays close to me so I get free rides to school and back.
Just as I was patting myself on the back on my good fortune, and hoping the 'evil ones' do nothing to rock my boat, I got a yatch - I got accommodation!
Only those who know Lagos, or have been in the Lagos campus would understand my joys. Far from being excited at the prospect of living in Victoria Island, I can now really look forward to a nice rest after lectures, and do stuff students are supposed to do- read. So, right now, 'm all set, ready, you know...

Law school is really interesting- a lot more than I thought.
I'd long played with the idea of lecturing after school, but my few weeks here have built some makeshift foundation under my dreams. I have met people who actually love to teach; it's a passion they cant hide. My Civil Procedure lecturer for instance is amazing. She takes you into her world of Orders and Rules and brings you into the court itself. LDC is so distinguished, you cant but like her. With Evidence adn Criminal Procedure, you know you are picking the best brains, Professional Ethics is so proper and Company Law and Practice has a lovely dry sense of humour.I think 'd like this place.

* Joint Admissions Matriculation Board Examination Forms -The general undergraduate application forms for admission into any Nigerian University

Gad-Purse

Praiz!

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One Child and the Nigerian Legal System

Professor Collier's 'Sound Argument'

Shakedown

Good Deed Alert: Kenny Kore's So More

MSLS and me

For Safety and Peace. Amen.

Bad Idea.

Freedom of Information Act 2011: Good Stuff!

The Toddling Sanctity of Our Courts?

Interpreting the law: Protecting our Political Institutions

This Dog Already Has a Bad Name

African Bloggers' Statement on David Kato and Uganda

2011... *yawn*

'Sustainability' – What on Earth is that?

Na de same

Ms. W and her Decisions

I don't know why K'Ore's Eledumare Werks

2010 APPROPRIATION BILL

N10B worth of Celebrations

Celebrating Nigeria at 50.

Government committee begins probe of Babangida

Yerimagate and the Logic

GS : How E Concern Me Sef?

Where does Retelling Nigeria’s History fall in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

The conceit that leads us to put words into letters.

Being Thankful

Tomorrow's your opportunity to fail or be succesful if you please, yes indeed, tomorrow ...

Oh, sorry!

This and that

NFA lounging

Counting down

Remodeling and Private security

NOT ANOTHER HALO! RE- A SECOND CHANCE FOR IBADAN ELITE

My virtual couch

Mo Money , Mo Problems.

Whatever beauty is?

Back

NYSC

Seen it oh…

A 'little' Sweaty?

Cukuroo ku…

Verizon Reverses Itself on Abortion Messages

Keeping faith

Eavesdropping

I cant believe I-

No school no school no school

Them last three weeks

Yea... Law School

Happily After-Evers…

Not so Extreme-ly

Black, White, and the Rest of the "Us"

2011... yawn